Monday, February 20, 2023

Episode Rankings: How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother isn't one of the funnier sitcoms ever made (though it definitely has its moments), but it does boast some of the best plotting in a sitcom. This show's flashback structure is incredibly well-executed and allows for some strong character development, hilarious smash cuts, and effective emotional gut punches. While HIMYM isn't anything spectacular and does suffer from a pretty awful ending, I still found myself enjoying the series and would easily recommend it to sitcom fans. Here's my ranking of its episodes:

  1. How Your Mother Met Me (S9.16)
  2. Girls Vs Suits (S5.12)
  3. The Final Page: Part 2 (S8.12)
  4. Slap Bet (S2.09)
  5. Subway Wars (S6.04)
  6. The Final Page: Part 1 (S8.11)
  7. Symphony Of Illumination (S7.12)
  8. Something New (S8.24)
  9. The Playbook (S5.08)
  10. Sandcastles In The Sand (S3.16)
  11. Bad News (S6.13)
  12. The Leap (S4.24)
  13. The Pineapple Incident (S1.10)
  14. Challenge Accepted (S6.24)
  15. Arrivaderci, Fiero (S2.17) - 500 Miles is the greatest song ever
  16. Intervention (S4.04)
  17. Swarley (S2.07)
  18. False Positive (S6.12)
  19. The Time Travelers (S8.20)
  20. Tick Tick Tick (S7.10)
  21. Come On (S1.22)
  22. The Magician's Code: Part 2 (S7.24)
  23. Game Night (S1.15) - The start of Barney's villain arc 
  24. Last Words (S6.14)
  25. Trilogy Time (S7.20)
  26. Gary Blauman (S9.21)
  27. The Possimpible (S4.14)
  28. How I Met Everyone Else (S3.05)
  29. Something Borrowed (S2.21)
  30. The Window (S5.10)
  31. Disaster Averted (S7.09)
  32. Spoiler Alert (S3.08)
  33. Glitter (S6.09)
  34. End Of The Aisle (S9.22)
  35. The Naked Man (S4.09)
  36. Something Blue (S2.22)
  37. Platoonish (S9.09)
  38. The Three Days Rule (S4.21)
  39. Perfect Week (S5.14)
  40. Miracles (S3.20)
  41. The Limo (S1.11)
  42. Of Course (S5.17)
  43. The Over-Correction (S8.10)
  44. The Best Burger In New York (S4.02)
  45. The Magician's Code: Part 1 (S7.23)
  46. Farhampton (S8.01)
  47. Three Days Of Snow (S4.13)
  48. Showdown (S2.20)
  49. Slapsgiving (S3.09)
  50. Dopplegangers (S5.24)
  51. Brunch (S2.03)
  52. Robin 101 (S5.03)
  53. No Pressure (S7.17)
  54. Happily Ever After (S4.06)
  55. Monday Night Football (S2.14)
  56. Rally (S9.18)
  57. Ducky Tie (S7.03)
  58. The Front Porch (S4.17)
  59. The Goat (S3.17)
  60. Dowisetrepia (S3.07)
  61. The Rebound Girl (S7.11)
  62. Unpause (S9.15)
  63. The Wedding Bride (S5.23)
  64. Drumroll, Please (S1.13)
  65. Definitions (S5.01)
  66. No Questions Asked (S9.07)
  67. Legendaddy (S6.19)
  68. Benefits (S4.12)
  69. How Lily Stole Christmas (S2.11)
  70. Cleaning House (S6.02)
  71. Bass Player Wanted (S9.13)
  72. The Best Man (S7.01)
  73. The Platinum Rule (S3.11)
  74. Blitzgiving (S6.10)
  75. Nothing Good Happens After 2 AM (S1.18)
  76. Right Place, Right Time (S4.22)
  77. Okay Awesome (S1.05)
  78. Shelter Island (S4.05)
  79. PS I Love You (S8.15)
  80. Jenkins (S5.13)
  81. World's Greatest Couple (S2.05)
  82. Natural History (S6.08)
  83. Little Minnesota (S4.11)
  84. Milk (S1.21)
  85. Landmarks (S6.23)
  86. Splitsville (S8.06)
  87. Slapsgiving 2: Revenge Of The Slap (S5.09)
  88. Do I Know You? (S4.01)
  89. Sunrise (S9.17)
  90. Pilot (S1.01)
  91. Last Time In New York (S9.03)
  92. The Drunk Train (S7.16)
  93. Lucky Penny (S2.15)
  94. Say Cheese (S5.18)
  95. The Stinson Missile Crisis (S7.04)
  96. The Bro Mitzvah (S8.22)
  97. I'm Not That Guy (S3.06)
  98. Ted Mosby, Architect (S2.04)
  99. Murtaugh (S4.19)
  100. The Wedding (S1.12)
  101. Daisy (S9.20)
  102. Double Date (S5.02)
  103. The Slutty Pumpkin Returns (S7.08)
  104. Where Were We? (S2.01)
  105. Big Days (S6.01)
  106. Rabbit Or Duck (S5.15)
  107. Moving Day (S2.18)
  108. Purple Giraffes (S1.02)
  109. Oh Honey (S6.15)
  110. Woooo! (S4.08)
  111. Weekend At Barney's (S8.18)
  112. Third Wheel (S3.03)
  113. As Fast As She Can (S4.23)
  114. Atlantic City (S2.08)
  115. No Tomorrow (S3.12)
  116. Band Or DJ? (S8.13)
  117. Home Wreckers (S5.20)
  118. Sorry, Bro (S4.16)
  119. The Broath (S7.19)
  120. Bagpipes (S5.06)
  121. Cupcake (S1.16)
  122. Baby Talk (S6.06)
  123. The Sweet Taste Of Liberty (S1.03)
  124. Something Old (S8.23)
  125. The Naked Truth (S7.02)
  126. Who Wants To Be A Godparent (S8.04)
  127. Single Stamina (S2.10)
  128. Robots Vs Wrestlers (S5.22)
  129. The Yips (S3.10)
  130. Mary The Paralegal (S1.19)
  131. A Change Of Heart (S6.18)
  132. Ten Horny Women (S8.08)
  133. Tailgate (S7.13)
  134. Unfinished (S6.03)
  135. Not A Father's Day (S4.07)
  136. Now We're Even (S7.21)
  137. Slutty Pumpkin (S1.06)
  138. I Heart NJ (S4.03)
  139. Wait For It (S3.01)
  140. Duel Citizenships (S5.05)
  141. The Pre Nup (S8.02)
  142. Karma (S7.18)
  143. Columns (S2.13)
  144. The Bracket (S3.14)
  145. Zoo Or False (S5.19)
  146. The Mermaid Theory (S6.11)
  147. The Locket (S9.01)
  148. The Scorpion And The Toad (S2.02)
  149. The Rehearsal Dinner (S9.12)
  150. Bad Crazy (S8.16)
  151. Mystery Vs History (S7.06)
  152. Old King Clancy (S4.18)
  153. Hopeless (S6.21)
  154. Good Crazy (S7.22)
  155. Stuff (S2.16)
  156. Vesuvius (S9.19)
  157. Lobster Crawl (S8.09)
  158. The Sexless Innkeeper (S5.04)
  159. Mosbius Designs (S4.20)
  160. Zip, Zip, Zip (S1.14)
  161. Hooked (S5.16)
  162. Desperation Day (S6.16)
  163. The Broken Code (S9.04)
  164. We're Not From Here (S3.02)
  165. The Fortress (S8.19)
  166. The Autumn Of Breakups (S8.05) - 7.9
  167. Bachelor Party (S2.19)
  168. The Duel (S1.08)
  169. Noretta (S7.07)
  170. 46 Minutes (S7.14)
  171. Knight Vision (S9.06)
  172. Canning Randy (S6.07)
  173. The Stinsons (S4.15)
  174. The Exploding Meatball Sub (S6.20)
  175. The Chain Of Screaming (S3.15)
  176. Twin Beds (S5.21)
  177. Ten Sessions (S3.13)
  178. Coming Back (S9.02)
  179. Aldrin Justice (S2.06)
  180. Return Of The Shirt (S1.04)
  181. The Fight (S4.10)
  182. The Ashtray (S8.17) 
  183. The Rough Patch (S5.07)
  184. Architect Of Destruction (S6.05)
  185. Life Among The Gorillas (S1.17)
  186. Romeward Bound (S8.21)
  187. Best Prom Ever (S1.20)
  188. Field Trip (S7.05)
  189. Little Boys (S3.04)
  190. Nannies (S8.03)
  191. The Perfect Cocktail (S6.22)
  192. Belly Full Of Turkey (S1.09)
  193. Rebound Bro (S3.18)
  194. Matchmaker (S1.07)
  195. First Time In New York (S2.12)
  196. Ring Up (S8.14)
  197. The Poker Game (S9.05)
  198. Last Cigarette Ever (S5.11)
  199. Garbage Island (S6.17) 
  200. The Stamp Tramp (S8.07)
  201. Everything Must Go (S3.19)
  202. The Burning Beekeeper (S7.15)
  203. The Lighthouse (S9.08)
  204. Slapsgiving 3: Slappointment In Slapmarra (S9.14)
  205. Mom And Dad (S9.10)
  206. Bedtime Stories (S9.11)
  207. Last Forever (S9.23/24)

Episode Rankings: Stargate SG-1 - So Far

I... dropped Stargate SG-1. I was really excited but it felt like it was going to scratch the same itch as Star Trek would, but I guess I just couldn't really gel with it. The lore wasn't interesting enough, the characters weren't memorable enough, it all just felt like mediocre. By Season 4, even if the quality had improved, it felt like I was just sleep-walking through it. I know a lot of people really like this one, so it's still probably  worth watching if you're a fan of the genre, but it wasn't for me. I may get back to it some day, but for now, here's my ranking of the episodes I did see from Seasons 1-4:

  1. Window Of Opportunity (S4.06)
  2. The Fifth Race (S2.15)
  3. 2010 (S4.16)
  4. Pretense (S3.15)
  5. Exodus (S4.22)
  6. There But For The Grace Of God (S1.19)
  7. The Devil You Know (S3.13)
  8. Within The Serpent's Grasp (S1.20)
  9. Nemesis (S3.22)
  10. The Tok'ra: Part 2 (S2.12)
  11. Chain Reaction (S4.15)
  12. Forever In A Day (S3.10)
  13. The Serpent's Lair (S2.01)
  14. Jolinar's Memories (S3.12)
  15. The Serpent's Song (S2.18)
  16. Upgrades (S4.03)
  17. Shades Of Gray (S3.18)
  18. 1969 (S2.21)
  19. The Serpent's Venom (S4.14)
  20. The Tok'ra: Part 1 (S2.11)
  21. Bloodlines (S1.11)
  22. Secrets (S2.09)
  23. Tangent (S4.12)
  24. Into The Fire (S3.01)
  25. Solitudes (S1.17)
  26. Small Victories (S4.01)
  27. Thor's Hammer (S1.09)
  28. Thor's Chariot (S2.06)
  29. Politics (S1.20)
  30. Fair Game (S3.03)
  31. The Enemy Within (S1.02)
  32. A Matter Of Time (S2.16)
  33. Point Of View (S3.06)
  34. In The Line Of Duty (S2.02)
  35. Crystal Skull (S3.21)
  36. The Torment Of Tantalus (S1.10)
  37. Out Of Mind (S2.22)
  38. Watergate (S4.07)
  39. The Other Side (S4.02)
  40. Double Jeopardy (S4.21)
  41. Cold Lazarus (S1.06)
  42. The Curse (S4.13)
  43. Touchstone (S2.14)
  44. Divide And Conquer (S4.05)
  45. Seth (S3.02)
  46. Cor-ai (S1.15)
  47. Foothold (S3.14)
  48. Family (S2.08)
  49. Point Of No Return (S4.11)
  50. Deadman Switch (S3.07)
  51. Tin Man (S1.18)
  52. Scorched Earth (S4.09)
  53. Maternal Instinct (S3.20)
  54. Absolute Power (S4.17)
  55. The Nox (S1.07)
  56. Message In A Bottle (S2.07)
  57. Past And Present (S3.11)
  58. Prodigy (S4.19)
  59. Enigma (S1.16)
  60. Learning Curve (S3.05)
  61. Prisoners (S2.03)
  62. Holiday (S2.17)
  63. Singularity (S1.14)
  64. The First Commandment (S1.05)
  65. Entity (S4.20)
  66. The First Ones (S4.08)
  67. New Ground (S3.19)
  68. Crossroads (S4.04)
  69. Children Of The Gods (S1.01)
  70. Show And Tell (S2.20)
  71. Demons (S3.08)
  72. Fire And Water (S1.12)
  73. The Light (S4.18)
  74. Bane (S2.10)
  75. A Hundred Days (S3.17)
  76. The Broca Divide (S1.04)
  77. Rules Of Engagement (S3.09)
  78. Beneath The Surface (S4.10)
  79. The Gamekeeper (S2.04)
  80. Hathor (S1.13)
  81. Legacy (S3.04)
  82. Need (S2.05)
  83. Urgo (S3.16)
  84. Spirits (S2.13)
  85. One False Step (S2.19)
  86. Brief Candle (S1.08)
  87. Emancipation (S1.03)

Episode Rankings: Mad Men

Mad Men is such a weird anomaly of a show. It's simultaneously a relaxing nostalgia trip through a glorified version of the 60s, and a dramatic deconstruction of the era. It's a plotless character-driven slice of life, that also happens to boast some of the craziest plot twists I've seen in a show. These paradoxes feel they should make Mad Men feel like a disjointed mess, but it's not, it all meshes together into a drama that feels like one of its kind. Here's my ranking of its episodes:

  1. Shut The Door, Have A Seat (S3.13)
  2. Waterloo (S7.07)
  3. The Suitcase (S4.07)
  4. Nixon Vs Kennedy (S1.12)
  5. In Care Of (S6.13)
  6. Person To Person (S7.14)
  7. The Other Woman (S5.11)
  8. Guy Walks Into An Advertising Agency (S3.06)
  9. The Wheel (S1.13)
  10. The Gypsy And The Hobo (S3.11)
  11. Time & Life (S7.11)
  12. The Gold Violin (S2.07)
  13. Tomorrowland (S4.13)
  14. Meditations In An Emergency (S2.13)
  15. Commissions And Fees (S5.12)
  16. The Milk And Honey Route (S7.13)
  17. My Old Kentucky Home (S3.03)
  18. The Flood (S6.05)
  19. The Strategy (S7.06)
  20. Signal 30 (S5.05)
  21. The Chrysanthemum And The Sword (S4.05)
  22. Red In The Face (S1.07)
  23. Hands And Knees (S4.10)
  24. The Phantom (S5.13)
  25. A Night To Remember (S2.08)
  26. Favors (S6.11)
  27. Seven Thirty-Three (S3.07)
  28. Shoot (S1.09)
  29. Public Relations (S4.01)
  30. The Mountain King (S2.12)
  31. Field Trip (S7.03)
  32. Indian Summer (S1.11)
  33. A Little Kiss: Part 2 (S5.02)
  34. Wee Small Hours (S3.09)
  35. Man With A Plan (S6.07)
  36. At The Codfish Ball (S5.07)
  37. The Grown Ups (S3.12)
  38. Lost Horizon (S7.12)
  39. 5G (S1.05)
  40. The Good News (S4.03)
  41. Long Weekend (S1.10)
  42. Out Of Town (S3.01)
  43. For Immediate Release (S6.06)
  44. Waldorf Stories (S4.06)
  45. Blowing Smoke (S4.12)
  46. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes (S1.01)
  47. A Little Kiss: Part 1 (S5.01)
  48. The Benefactor (S2.03)
  49. The Quality Of Mercy (S6.12)
  50. Six Month Leave (S2.09)
  51. Christmas Waltz (S5.10)
  52. To Have And To Hold (S6.04)
  53. Three Sundays (S2.04)
  54. The Summer Man (S4.08)
  55. The Monolith (S7.04)
  56. New Amsterdam (S1.04)
  57. The Rejected (S4.04)
  58. A Day's Work (S7.02)
  59. The Hobo Code (S1.08)
  60. Chinese Wall (S4.11)
  61. The Doorway: Part 2 (S6.02)
  62. The Arrangements (S3.04)
  63. The Forecast (S7.10)
  64. Lady Lazarus (S5.08)
  65. Severance (S7.08)
  66. The Color Blue (S3.10)
  67. Flight 9 (S2.02)
  68. Collaborators (S6.03)
  69. Mystery Date (S5.04)
  70. The New Girl (S2.05)
  71. Love Among The Ruins (S3.02)
  72. The Better Half (S6.09)
  73. Time Zones (S7.01)
  74. Far Away Places (S5.06)
  75. Marriage Of Figaro (S1.03)
  76. The Doorway: Part 1 (S6.01)
  77. The Fog (S3.05)
  78. The Runaways (S7.05)
  79. The Beautiful Girls (S4.09)
  80. Christmas Comes But Once A Year (S4.02)
  81. The Inheritance (S2.10)
  82. Souvenir (S3.08)
  83. Dark Shadows (S5.09)
  84. Babylon (S1.06)
  85. New Business (S7.09)
  86. Maidenform (S2.06)
  87. Ladies Room (S1.02)
  88. A Tale Of Two Cities (S6.10)
  89. The Jet Set (S2.11)
  90. For Those Who Think Young (S2.01)
  91. The Crash (S6.08)
  92. Tea Leaves (S5.03)

Episode Rankings: The West Wing

The West Wing is a good political show carried hard by its lovable cast and the immaculate writing of Aaron Sorkin. The way it structures itself is unconventional and it's fair to say the politics of it haven't aged the best, and yet the writing, the characters, the standout moments of drama, and the sentimental tone still holds up in my eyes. Here's my ranking of its episodes:

  1. Commencement (S4.22)
  2. Dead Irish Writers (S3.15)
  3. 17 People (S2.17)
  4. In The Shadow Of Two Gunmen: Part 2 (S2.02)
  5. Posse Comitatus (S3.21)
  6. Game On (S4.06)
  7. He Shall, From Time To Time (S1.12)
  8. The US Poet Laureate (S3.16)
  9. Manchester: Part 2 (S3.02)
  10. Evidence Of Things Not Seen (S4.20)
  11. Hartsfield's Landing (S3.14)
  12. Noel (S2.10)
  13. Celestial Navigation (S1.15)
  14. Election Night (S4.07)
  15. In The Shadow Of Two Gunmen: Part 1 (S2.01)
  16. Bartlet For America (S3.09)
  17. What Kind Of Day Has It Been (S1.22)
  18. 18th And Potomac (S2.21)
  19. 20 Hours In America: Part 2 (S4.02)
  20. The Stackhouse Filibuster (S2.17)
  21. 25 (S4.23)
  22. Enemies Foreign And Domestic (S3.18)
  23. The Short List (S1.09)
  24. Inauguration: Part 2 (S4.15)
  25. Manchester: Part 1 (S3.01)
  26. Let Bartlet Be Bartlet (S1.19)
  27. Two Cathedrals (S2.22)
  28. We Killed Yamamoto (S3.20)
  29. In Excelsis Dei (S1.10)
  30. 20 Hours In America: Part 1 (S4.01)
  31. Shibboleth (S2.08)
  32. Process Stories (S4.08)
  33. H Con - 172 (S3.10)
  34. Bartlet's Third State Of The Union (S2.13)
  35. Pilot (S1.01)
  36. The Fall's Gonna Kill You (S2.20)
  37. Life On Mars (S4.21)
  38. Lies, Damn Lies, And Statistics (S1.21)
  39. Inauguration: Part 1 (S4.14)
  40. Six Meetings Before Lunch (S1.18)
  41. The Midterms (S2.03)
  42. Holy Night (S4.11)
  43. A Proportional Response (S1.03)
  44. War Crimes (S3.05)
  45. Bad Moon Rising (S2.19)
  46. The Black Vera Wang (S3.19)
  47. The War At Home (S2.14)
  48. Ways And Means (S3.03)
  49. Mr Willis Of Ohio (S1.06)
  50. The California 47th (S4.16)
  51. And It's Surely To Their Credit (S2.05)
  52. 100,000 Airplanes (S3.11)
  53. Take Out The Trash Day (S1.13)
  54. Stirred (S3.17)
  55. College Kids (S4.03)
  56. The Indians In The Lobby (S3.07)
  57. Somebody's Going To Emergency, Somebody's Going To Jail (S2.16)
  58. Angel Maintenance (S4.19)
  59. Arctic Radar (S4.10)
  60. Five Votes Down (S1.04)
  61. Enemies (S1.08)
  62. Galileo (S2.09)
  63. Mandatory Minimums (S1.20)
  64. Night Five (S3.13)
  65. Ellie (S2.15)
  66. Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc (S1.02)
  67. In This White House (S2.04)
  68. Red Haven's On Fire (S4.17)
  69. Gone Quiet (S3.06)
  70. Lord John Marbury (S1.11)
  71. Take This Sabbath Day (S1.14)
  72. On The Day Before (S3.04)
  73. The Leadership Breakfast (S2.11)
  74. The Red Moss (S4.04)
  75. The Crackpots And These Women (S1.05)
  76. The Lame Duck Congress (S2.06)
  77. The State Dinner (S1.07)
  78. The Women Of Qumar (S3.08)
  79. Swiss Diplomacy (S4.09)
  80. The Two Bartlets (S3.12)
  81. The Drop-In (S2.12)
  82. The White House Pro-Am (S1.17)
  83. Guns Not Butter (S4.12)
  84. Debate Camp (S4.05)
  85. The Portland Trip (S2.07)
  86. Privateers (S4.18)
  87. 20 Hours In LA (S1.16)
  88. The Long Goodbye (S4.13)
  89. Isaac And Ishmael (S3.00)

Episode Rankings: Bojack Horseman

Bojack Horseman is one of the greatest shows of the 2010s, and honestly just one of the best animation series in general. The characters are fleshed-out and interesting, the writing is sharp and clever, the drama is gripping and emotionally effective, the animation is inventive, and the show manages to balance a whole bunch of disparate tones pretty much perfectly. Here's my ranking of its episodes:

  1. The View From Halfway Down (S6.15)
  2. The Showstopper (S5.11)
  3. Fish Out Of Water (S3.04)
  4. Free Churro (S5.06)
  5. The Face Of Depression (S6.07)
  6. Nice While It Lasted (S6.16)
  7. Stupid Piece Of Shit (S4.06)
  8. Escape From LA (S2.11)
  9. Ruthie (S4.09)
  10. The Stopped Show (S5.12)
  11. Surprise! (S6.04)
  12. The Telescope (S1.08)
  13. Xerox Of A Xerox (S6.12)
  14. That Went Well (S3.12)
  15. The New Client (S6.02)
  16. Downer Ending (S1.11)
  17. Angela (S6.13)
  18. What Time Is It Right Now (S4.12)
  19. The Amelia Earhart Story (S5.05)
  20. Best Thing That Ever Happened (S3.09)
  21. That's Too Much, Man (S3.11)
  22. Time's Arrow (S4.11)
  23. Let's Find Out (S2.08)
  24. Good Damage (S6.10)
  25. The Old Sugerman Place (S4.02)
  26. Head In The Clouds (S5.10)
  27. The Bojack Horseman Show (S3.02)
  28. Hooray! Todd Episode! (S4.03)
  29. Int SUB (S5.07)
  30. Say Anything (S1.07)
  31. The Dog Days Are Over (S5.02)
  32. It's You (S3.10)
  33. Intermediate Scene Study w/ Bojack Horseman (S6.09)
  34. Out To Sea (S2.12)
  35. After The Party (S2.04)
  36. Yes And (S2.10)
  37. lovin that cali lifestyle (S4.10)
  38. The Horny Unicorn (S6.13)
  39. Horse Majeur (S1.09)
  40. Brand New Couch (S2.01)
  41. A Quick One, While He's Away (S6.08)
  42. Brrap Brrap Pew Pew (S3.06)
  43. A Horse Walks Into Rehab (S6.01)
  44. Later (S1.12)
  45. Sunk Cost And All That (S6.11)
  46. Live Fast, Diane Nguyen (S1.05)
  47. See Mr Peanutbutter Run (S4.01)
  48. Yesterdayland (S2.02)
  49. Stop The Presses (S3.07)
  50. Mr Peanutbutter's Boos (S5.08)
  51. A Little Uneven, Is All (S6.05)
  52. Feel-Good Story (S6.03)
  53. The Shot (S2.09)
  54. Zoes And Zeldas (S1.04)
  55. Bojack The Feminist (S5.04)
  56. Still Broken (S2.03)
  57. Underground (S4.07)
  58. The Light Bulb Scene (S5.01)
  59. Start Spreading The News (S3.01)
  60. One Trick Pony (S1.10)
  61. Hank After Dark (S2.07)
  62. Commence Fracking (S4.04)
  63. Love And/Or Marriage (S3.05)
  64. Ancient History (S5.09)
  65. Our A-Story Is A D-Story (S1.06)
  66. Old Acquaintance (S3.08)
  67. The Kidney Stays In The Picture (S6.06)
  68. Planned Obsolescence (S5.03)
  69. The Bojack Horseman Story, Chapter One (S1.01)
  70. The Judge (S4.08)
  71. Higher Love (S2.06)
  72. Bojack Hates The Troops (S1.02)
  73. Thoughts And Prayers (S4.05)
  74. Bojack Kills (S2.03)
  75. Prickly Muffin (S1.03)
  76. Chickens (S2.05)

Other Shows I Haven't Reviewed Yet

At this point, I have almost finished reviewing all of the shows I've watched prior to starting this blog. It's taken way longer than I was hoping, and while I still have four shows left, I don't quite have the intricate knowledge of them that I had years ago, at least not enough to write full-on seasonal reviews without watching them all over again. And since I'm in the middle of a Precure marathon and have way more shows I want to watch and review in the future, I thought I'd just go over these last few series and give my general thoughts on them. What I liked, what I didn't like, how the quality progresses over the course of each season, which characters and episodes stuck out to me, and how I look back upon them. Maybe some day I'll give one or two of these shows full reviews, but at this point, I think it's time that I wrap these post-reviews up and finally move on to newer things.

Bojack Horseman: If there's any show I'm most-likely to rewatch and give complete seasonal reviews on, it's definitely going to be Bojack Horseman. It's a fantastic series, hands down my favorite out of these four. 

Bojack Horseman is an adult-animated comedy about the titular washed-up actor and his daily struggles with depression. Bojack spends the series dealing with his lost fame, constantly alienating his friends, digging himself into deeper and deeper holes, and, despite everything, trying to improve. Meanwhile, his varied lineup of friends are also dealing with their own struggles and flaws. It feels like Bojack Horseman has left some sort of impact on every I know who's watched in and I think it's because, though many of the characters aren't all that great people, the struggles they face are so grounded and human that I think there's someone everyone can relate to here, maybe even multiple. I personally found myself relating hard to Princess Carolyn's arc about separating her personal and professional lives, but also, Todd's asexuality storyline helped me come to terms with my own. Bojack Horseman gets really depressing, no conflict is really ever resolved cleanly. The characters face massive setbacks and regressions, but what keeps the show from falling into sheer hopelessness is that its underlying message remains that people can grow and change. It's hard, and you'll have to work at it every day, but it's possible.

Of course, I said that this was a comedy, and that's still the case. While Bojack Horseman has a lot of drama, it's also incredibly funny, and manages to balance that humor remarkably well. The first few episodes may seem like your standard adult-animation sitcom with that usual stiff Family Guy-esque animation and that usual crass South Park-esque humor, but the show quickly forms its own comedic style, through a huge mix of memorable running gags and uniquely Bojack non-sequiters. The writers even start to experiment with structure and even the animation itself, ranging from episodes focused entirely on specific characters, to episodes that play around with space and time, to an episode with no talking, to an episode with all talking, to episodes with weird-ass drug trips. The cast and crew of Bojack Horseman refused to become complacent throughout the show's entire run. Every single season tries to one up the last in ambition and creativity, and it never overstayed its welcome either. Only six seasons and you could tell the writers were able to say everything they want to say, nothing more and nothing less.

Now let's go over the seasons:

Season 1: I've seen a lot of flack towards this season for its slow start, but I really don't think it's that bad. All the core themes of the series are laid out in the very first episode, the dramatic elements already show up by episode 4, and Say Anything onward is pretty much on par with the rest of the series. It's definitely the weakest of the six seasons since it has to spend time introducing the cast and easing the viewer into the show's world, but the sheer impact when things start to kick into overdrive is unparalleled.

Notable Episodes: The Telescope, Downer Ending

3/5 Stars

Season 2: Season 2 really just expands on everything the first season did right. It's darker, funnier, and doesn't waste time with getting the ball rolling this time around. It's the first season where it really feels like each character has their own defined and fleshed-out arc, and the big climax in Escape From LA is still one of Bojack's most sickening moments. I still think the finale was a bit too tidy and Chickens is probably my least favorite episode of the show, but otherwise, this is a solid improvement over Season 1.

Notable Episodes: Let's Find Out, Escape From LA

4/5 Stars

Season 3: Season 3 is a phenomenal season and the point where Bojack goes from great to amazing. The storylines are stronger than ever before, with the abortion and Bojack Horseman Show ones being especially memorable. We get our first visually-experimental episode in Fish Out Of Water, Todd's asexuality is finally hinted at, and the last few episodes are not only emotionally crushing but actually end the season on a bit of a darker and messier note compared to the last two.

Notable Episodes: Fish Out Of Water, Best Thing That Ever Happened, That's Too Much Man, That Went Well

5/5 Stars

Season 4: Season 4 finally delves head on into Bojack's family and... it honestly leaves me a bit mixed. I love the addition of Hollyhock, she's a great character who brings out the best in Bojack. However, the stuff around Bojack's mother didn't quite grab me as much as many other of the show's plotlines. I can't deny the quality of episodes like The Old Sugerman Place and Time's Arrow, but I guess they just didn't have the same impact on me as they would've on someone in Bojack's position. Still, there are a lot of phenomenal standalone episodes and an increased amount of experimental stuff to still make for a great season, just not that hit me quite as hard personally.

Notable Episodes: Hooray Todd Episode, Stupid Piece Of Shit, Ruthie, Time's Arrow

4/5 Stars

Season 5: Season 5 is my favorite season of Bojack Horseman. The main plotline revolves around Bojack actually managing to get a role again, which leads to a season about the filming of a TV show: My favorite kind of plot. It's not all guns and roses though because after the slightly more uplifting Season 4, Bojack starts to regress hard in Season 5 to the point where he finally decides he needs to go to rehab. I love the overarching theme that Bojack is not a role model and a tragic backstory doesn't exonerate him of the stuff he did wrong, which seems almost directly targeted at a certain group of viewers. Not to mention all the other great storylines like Todd in an asexual relationship, Princess Carolyn adopting a kid, and literally everything about Birthday Dad. There's a bunch of truly stellar experimental episodes, and one of the show's best finales to top it all off.

Notable Episodes: The Amelia Earhart Story, Free Churro, The Showstopper, The Stopped Show

5/5 Stars

Season 6: I've never been a fan of final seasons that were split in halves like this, it leaves the whole feeling somewhat disjointed. But when you get past the structure, Season 6 really does have the most standout episodes out of any season. You got stellar character studies like The New Client and Good Damage, great comedic episodes like Surprise!, and that whole phenomenal final story arc that wraps everything up wonderfully. Season 6 just does a good job at resolving everyone's storylines, and the ending simply feels satisfying. Not to mention The View From Halfway Down is one of the most harrowing episodes of TV I've ever seen and its existence alone makes this season great, an easy second place for my favorite season.

Notable Episodes: The New Client, Surprise, The Face Of Depression, Xerox Of A Xerox, The View From Halfway Down, Nice While It Lasted

5/5 Stars

Bojack Horseman is one of the greatest shows of the 2010s, and honestly just one of the best animation series in general. The characters are fleshed-out and interesting, the writing is sharp and clever, the drama is gripping and emotionally effective, the animation is inventive, and the show manages to balance a whole bunch of disparate tones pretty much perfectly. 

5/5 Stars

The West Wing: The West Wing is a fine political show carried hard by its lovable cast and the immaculate writing of Aaron Sorkin. Because in terms of plotting, The West Wing is actually fairly unconcerned with your standard seasonal storytelling. There's still cliffhangers and stuff, but major events may happen at random points in the middle of a season, and the actual season finales can often leave plotlines resolved. I'm not gonna lie, it's a bit frustrating at times, you really have to take each episode as they are. 

Thankfully, as mentioned above, the real brilliance of The West Wing comes in Aaron Sorkin's screenplays. That man is a dialogue wizard, his writing is fast, witty, distinct, and just a joy to listen to. I've seen more and more backlash over unrealistic dialogue as of late, but when done well, there's nothing quite like listening to a classic Sorkin or Tarantino back-and-forth. Not to mention that when West Wing does fully commit to a serialized story like with the election or Bartlet's MS, it makes for some damn good television. I've also seen criticisms towards The West Wing's politics since it's a pretty idealistic show, and... yeah, I'm sorry, that's a stupid criticism. It's fine if the idealistic elements make you uncomfortable, but to fault a show from the Y2K era for not having the same cynical spirit of the 2020s is just plain unreasonable.

Another element of The West Wing that really stands out as great are the characters, who are all incredibly memorable and lovable. Press secretary CJ Cregg is the obvious highlight here, but between the president we all wish we had in Bartlet, the charismatic Sam Seaborn, and the gripping will-they-won't-they pairing of Josh and Donna just make for an incredibly strong and well-rounded cast of characters. The strong writing obviously helps these characters be even more appealing, since standout episodes really just put a bunch of characters in a room and let them talk, but it also helps that the performances on the part of the cast are fantasitc too. And it's a stellar cast, Martin Sheen, Bradley Whitford, Allison Janney, and even Rob Lowe and Dule Hill before they really hit it big with Parks And Rec and Psych respectively.

Season 1: Season 1 of The West Wing is really everything you'd want from a first season of your show. It efficiently introduces the characters, puts them in a variety of entertaining political situations, and slowly unveils more layers to the cast over time. Aaron Sorkin's style is apparent right from the incredible opening, as is the cast's chemistry There isn't much of an overarching story here, though, and while the cliffhanger at the end is fantastic, it comes at the end of what's otherwise a very standard episode.

Notable Episodes: The Short List, He Shall From Time To Time, Celestial Navigation, What Kind Of Day Has It Been

3/5 Stars

Season 2: Season 2 is a pretty big step-up over the first, and is probably the only season where the plot elements really carry it. The opening and Christmas episode about the fallout of Season 1's big shooting are incredibly intense and emotional, and those final few episodes about Bartlet dealing with having to come out his MS is some of the most gripping television in general. Once again, though, I have to criticize the finale. Two Cathedrals is one of the most widely-praised episodes of television ever for its acting and stellar monologues, which I mostly agree with, but it kinda fails as a finale since it unsatisfyingly pushes a bunch of other characters and storylines to next season to focus solely on Bartlet. Still, otherwise, a pretty stellar season.

Notable Episodes: In The Shadow Of Two Gunmen, Noel, The Stackhouse Filibuster, 17 People, 18th And Potomac, Two Cathedrals

4/5 Stars

Season 3: Season 3 of The West Wing is my favorite of the bunch. The decision to focus it solely on the election means the season has a consistent sense of momentum, and yet there's also a great amount of genuinely fantastic standalone episodes as well. Hell, three of my personal favorites are all back-to-back. And the final arc about CJ's bodyguard is an incredibly tragic and compelling way to end the season, even if it's not quite as iconic as the MS storyline from last season.

Notable Episodes: Machester, Bartlet For America, Hartsfield's Landing, Dead Irish Writers, The US Poet Laureate, Posse Comitatus

5/5 Stars

Season 4: The final season of The West Wing has a strong start, a strong end, and a meh middle. The first few episodes do a phenomenal job at resolving Season 3's election storyline is a satisfying and rewarding manner. It's a great miniarc on its own merits. The final few episodes have some of the most nail-building tense moments of the whole show as well as my favorite episode in Commencement. The middle of the season, on the other hand, is kinda just boring. With both the election and the MS stuff over, The West Wing had lost all of its narrative drive, and it wasn't until Sorkin start to build towards the end of his run on the show when that drive picked up again.

Notable Episodes: 20 Hours In America, Game On, Election Night, Evidence Of Things Not Seen, Commencement, 25

4/5 Stars

Post-Season 5: Notice how I called Season 4 the final season? Well, that's because it is to me. After Season 4's finale, Aaron Sorkin left to do other things, and the show immediately suffered. I tried watching Season 5 but couldn't go more than two episodes, the West Wing had lost all the things that made it special. The characters felt less likable, the tone felt jarringly depressing, and the show feels like it had completely lost its soul. The West Wing is often solely praised for Sorkin's dialogue, but I think he truly understood his characters more than anyone else, because the moment he leaves, it's like The West Wing has turned into something far different and worse.

Overall, The West Wing is such a strange show. The way it structures itself is unconventional and it's fair to say the politics of it haven't aged the best, and yet the writing, the characters, the standout moments of drama, and the sentimental tone still holds up in my eyes. I don't think I would've been as frustrated about the Season 5 shift if I hadn't grown so attached to this series to begin with.

4/5 Stars

How I Met Your Mother: How I Met Your Mother is a sitcom that I loved while I was watching it, but had slowly gone down in my rankings the more I've deliberated on it. 

HIMYM tries to capture the same combination of grounded comedy and relationship drama as Friends, and while the cast doesn't have quite the same chemistry, it brings a lot of neat ideas to the table. There's a stronger emphasis on serialized plotlines, flashbacks and flash-forwards, cutaway gags, and character development. HIMYM is at often its best when it's playing around with time, whether it's in more comedic episodes like The Pineapple Incident or in more dramatic episodes like How Your Mother Met Me. I also like how it downplays some of the multi-camera tropes, like how it dims the laugh track and allows the characters to spend a lot of time out in the city. Speaking of which, I also love HIMYM's depiction of New York City, it feels like the writers have an intimate understanding of what makes that place so special, rivaling NYC classics like You've Got Mail and Spider Man.

However, the more I look back on it, the more holes HIMYM tends to have. While I like almost the whole cast, especially Barney and Robin, the main lead in Ted is immensely unlikable and suffers from the same "nice guy" pitfalls that someone like Ross does. The show also starts tor really drag as it goes on, as later seasons take increasingly longer periods of time for any progress to be made, culminating in Seasons 8 & 9 which easily could've been compressed into a single season. But most of all, HIMYM just has a shit ending. While the alternate ending slightly dulls the pain, Last Forever is a pretty horrible finale that goes back on all of the show's build-up, reverting the status quo to Season 1. As someone who was able to tolerate the Dexter finale, this really dragged down the series for me.

Season 1: A solid first season that does a good job at introducing the characters and demonstrating the show's strengths. I have a bit of bitterness towards it for the series finale, but otherwise, it's pretty good.

Notable Episodes: The Pineapple Incident, Game Night, Come On

3/5 Stars

Season 2: Great season, one of the best. Lily and Marshall's wedding is a great storyline, there's a lot of strong comedic episodes, and the finale arc that confirms Ted and Robin as a lost cause is a bold move (even if the finale goes back on it).

Notable Episodes: Swarley, Arrivaderci Fiero, Something Borrowed, Something Blue

4/5 Stars

Season 3: Season 3 gets off to a pretty great start, but it really begins to fall off around the second half. Part of that is probably because of Stella, who I was never really a fan of. The slightly shorter length doesn't really help either. However, it did introduce the Barney and Robin relationship, so I like it for that.

Notable Episodes: How I Met Everyone Else, Spoiler Alert, Sandcastles In The Sand

3/5 Stars

Season 4: My favorite season. It lacks the high points of some of the other seasons, but it's so consistently strong and funny. There's not a single weak episodes in the entire lineup. The buildup towards Barney and Robin getting together is great, and the finale really could've worked as a definitive ending for the show.

Notable Episodes: Intervention, The Naked Man, The Possimpible, The Three Days Rule, The Leap

4/5 Stars

Season 5: While slightly less consistent than Season 4, this season has a bunch of truly outstanding episodes like Girls Vs Suits and The Playbook. I'm not a fan of how it immediately tears apart Barney and Robin, though.

Notable Episodes: The Playbook, The Window, Girls Vs Suits, Perfect Week

3/5 Stars

Season 6: Season 6 has a lot to love, with some of my favorite comedic and dramatic episodes and storylines in the show. The finale is one of the most satisfying, I love the Marshall's dad arc, and the whole season feels like it tells a good complete story. However, Zoey sucks and drags down the whole thing for me.

Notable Episodes: Subway Wars, Glitter, False Positive, Bad News, Challenge Accepted

3/5 Stars

Season 7: Genuinely underrated season. The lineup of episodes is genuinely really solid, and the midpoint has one of my favorite stretches in the whole show. It's still not as consistent as some of the earlier seasons, but Season 7 truly has some high points.

Notable Episodes: Disaster Averted, Tick Tick Tick, Symphony Of Illumination, Trilogy Time, The Magician's Code

4/5 Stars

Season 8: While the opening breakup arc, the midseason Final Page two-parter, and the final batch of episodes are all really good, Season 8 spends a lot of its time with not much happening, and the comedy and creativity just isn't enough to fill in those gaps.

Notable Episodes: The Final Page, The Time Travelers, Something New

2/5 Stars

Season 9: When it's building up to the finale, Season 9 has some genuinely fantastic episodes, some of my favorites in the whole show. However, the painfully slow first half and the awful finale drag it down pretty hard.

Notable Episodes: Platoonish, How Your Mother Met Me, Gary Blauman, End Of The Aisle

2/5 Stars

Overall, How I Met Your Mother is a perfectly solid sitcom. It's funny enough, has some good characters, brings some neat new ideas to the table, and has a lot of super memorable episodes. However, with a bad main character and a very disappointing ending, the show never really rises past just being good.

3/5 Stars

Mad Men: I'll always have a soft-spot for Mad Men for being the first proper 45-minute-long drama I've ever watched. Seriously, prior to then, I had only been watching sitcoms. Because of this, I'm pretty sure a lot of Mad Men went over my head, but the really impactful moment and general vibes have resonated with me to this day.

Mad Men is a period drama that looks at the decade of the 60s through the eyes of an advertising agency. The cast of characters within said advertising agency spend the series rising up and falling down the ranks of their company, but the focus is mostly on Don Draper and Peggy Carter, the former of which is an outwardly charismatic advertiser with a dark past and some serious infidelity problems, and the latter of which is a new secretary who spends the series slowly getting hardened by the shit she deals with in her new job. There's a lot of other characters too, all of whom also have their own struggles, but what's interesting about Mad Men is that there isn't much of a plot here. You really just spend the show observing these characters over the course of the decade, become innately familiar with their strengths and weaknesses, and watch how they change. It works for the show, though, because change does happen, particularly in season finales which shamelessly blow up the status quo which still feeling natural. It's Mad Men's slow methodical pace that makes the more dramatic moments all the more shocking.

The closest thing Mad Men has to actual progression is the decade of the 60s itself. The show slowly moves from 1961-1969, and is peppered with episodes based on big real-life events from that era as we watch the characters react to them. There's something so unique about the way Mad Men depicts its time period. From a purely aesthetic level, Mad Men makes the 60s look like a wonderland. Everything is clean and slick, colors pop, and the fashion is intricate. You can tell a lot of effort was put into the set and costume design to really give Mad Men its own unique aesthetic. And yet, when you delve deeper into the subtext, under all the bright colors and clean settings, the 60s kinda sucks. Mad Men doesn't shy away from the rampant racism, sexism, and homophobia of the era, and whenever one of those aforementioned big real-life events happen, the show leans in hard on the feelings of dread that surface because of them. For example, the episode about the Cuban Missile Crisis shows the almost apocalyptic vibe, as pretty much everyone had begun to fear that a missile could come in and kill all of them at any time. It's this juxtaposition between the aesthetics and the substance of the 60s that made Mad Men so memorable to me, simultaneously feeding into nostalgia for the era while also subverting it.

Season 1: Season 1 is still one of my favorite Mad Men seasons solely for how cohesive it is. You can tell the crew wasn't sure if they were going to get another season, so it really manages to work as its own individual story. There's a nice mystery element in uncovering Don's past, and the final two episodes make for a pretty perfect ending that balances both satisfying plot resolutions and more thematic resolutions.

Notable Episodes: Red In The Face, Nixon Vs Kennedy, The Wheel

4/5 Stars

Season 2: Season 2 suffers from having to follow up a season that worked so well on its own. The first episodes practically feel like the show is starting entirely anew, and you have to wait a frustratingly long time for anything that happened in Season 1 to actually get addressed. However, once the season actually gets going, the second half is still pretty great. Betty learning about Don's infidelity transitioning to Don's trip to California makes for a pretty surprising and intense end to the season.

Notable Episodes: The Gold Violin, Meditations In An Emergency

3/5 Stars

Season 3: Season 3 is probably the best season of Mad Men, it not only tells a great story but it has some of the best episodes of the series. Guy Walks Into An Advertising Agency in particular is a subversive gem that pretty much encapsulates the show as a whole. And so much happens here, from Sal's outing arc, to the Hilton storyline, to Betsy learning about Don's past, all culminating in one of the best season finales to any TV show.

Notable Episodes: My Old Kentucky Home, Guy Walks Into An Advertising Agency, The Gypsy And The Hobo, Shut The Door Have A Seat

5/5 Stars

Season 4: Season 4 is also pretty great. It's the most consistently strong season even if it doesn't have as many high points as its predecessor. The new offices really are a great change of pace and it's neat to watch Don and co build up their new company, but the highlight is definitely the almost entirely Don-and-Peggy-driven The Suitcase, rightfully considered one of the show's best episodes.

Notable Episodes: The Chrysanthemum And The Sword, The Suitcase, Tomorrowland

4/5 Stars

Season 5: Season 5 feels like it starts a new era for Mad Men, and that's not entirely unfounded. There was a year spaced out between the last two seasons, and Tomorrowland pretty much split up Betty and Don for good, as they both started their own families. Personally, I found Season 5 kinda has similar issues to Season 2 where it kinda feels like yet another first season, but there's still a diverse range of memorable episodes scattered throughout capped off by a pretty crazy one-two-three punch at the very. Peggy leaving in The Other Woman in particular may be my favorite moment in the entire series.

Notable Episodes: Signal 30, The Other Woman, Commissions And Fees

3/5 Stars

Season 6: Season 6 suffers pretty heavily from the feeling that the show has started to run out of ideas. While the big company mergers used to be shocking, at this point, they've really started to feel played out. The quality of episodes also just isn't as there in Season 6, with the drug-fueled The Crash in particular being my least favorite episode and a wild tonal shift. As a whole, Season 6 kinda felt like it was stalling, which made its great finale In Care Of that finally started to push things to an ending all the more satisfying.

Notable Episodes: The Flood, In Care Of

2/5 Stars

Season 7: Season 7 is... weird. It's a big mix of stuff I love and stuff I don't quite like as much. I love the storyline about Don having practically been fired, I love the McMann merger because of how final it feels, I love Don's trip near the end and the ending it results in, and I even like Betty dealing with her mortality. However, I don't like the fact that the season was split in two, or how Peggy's happy ending was ending up with someone, or the overly gross way Michael was written out. It leads to a season that mostly felt like a bit of a mixed bag, but I liked Person To Person enough that I'm at least very satisfied with how it ended.

Notable Episodes: Waterloo, Time & Life, The Milk And Honey Route, Person To Person

4/5 Stars

Overall, Mad Men is such a weird anomaly of a show. It's simultaneously a relaxing nostalgia trip through a glorified version of the 60s, and a dramatic deconstruction of the era. It's a plotless character-driven slice of life, that also happens to boast some of the craziest plot twists I've seen in a show. These paradoxes feel they should make Mad Men feel like a disjointed mess, but it's not, it all meshes together into a drama that feels like one of its kind. Maybe that's why I still look back fondly on Mad Men even after all the shows I've seen since, because it still feels so unique of a drama.

4/5 Stars

Sunday, February 19, 2023

Ranking All Metroid Prime Bosses

I've been ranking stuff for a while in this blog, but I've also always wanted to do full-on, dedicated rankings about some of my favorite games. With the release of Metroid Prime's truly fantastic remaster, I thought this would be a great place to start. Metroid Prime has some very memorable bosses, not all of them are amazing, but they're all large, intimidating, and eye-catching. So, let's rank them, worst to best:

13. Cloaked Drone

The infamous Cloaked Drone is an absolute hellscape of a boss if you're not prepared for it. Coming after a grueling half-hour gauntlet with zero save points, the Cloaked Drone is your last obstacle before finally getting to rest a bit. You'll likely be exhausted and low on health, and then the game throws an invisible miniboss at you right before you're meant to get the X-Ray Visor. It's a cruel trick on the part of Retro Studios and, no matter what, that alone would put it in last. 

But what makes this fight even worse, is that you can cheese it in the easiest way possible, since because drones are weak to the Wave Beam, this invisible drone happens to also be weak to the Wavebuster, a super powerful charge combination that automatically locks on to enemies, including invisible ones. Thus, all you really need to do here is make sure you have enough missiles, enter with the Wave Beam equipped, charge up a Wavebuster, and watch as the drone gets destroyed in the span of five seconds. 

12. Hive Mecha

The Hive Mecha is less of a fight and more of an enemy rush. The mecha sends out a bunch of bees after you, you shoot them down, and then you move onto the next phase which has even more enemies. The bees quickly spin around the platform so you spend the whole fight pivoting around to catch up with them, which ultimately just makes for a fight that's both really static and kind of annoying. The remaster's better aiming does make the Hive Mecha a bit more engaging since it's a bit easier to snipe bees without locking onto them but still, this one's kind of a bore.

11. Incinerator Drone

I keep forgetting this is a boss. The Incinerator Drone is a bit more fun than the Hive Mecha because its flamethrowers are used in some pretty creative ways, like how it purposefully tries to inflame the hive above it to get bees to attack you, or how it spins its flamethrowers around forcing you to do some light platforming. However, in terms of actually defeating him, it's really just a waiting game where you shoot when the weakpoint is available. 

10. Metroid Prime - Core

I'm ranking the second phase of the final boss as its own fight because, for all intents and purposes, it is. Metroid Prime Core has its own health bar, attack patterns, design, theme song, and unique way of defeating him. Unfortunately, it's a big step down from the first phase. The Metroid Prime Core fight is the definition of a waiting game, you can only attack when he opens a Phazon pool, which can take a matter of seconds to about a minute of waiting time. It also gets especially annoying when he starts spawning Metroids with the Phazon pools. The pool starts to disappear the moment you hit Metroid Prime with Hypermode so if you accidentally hit Prime while trying to take out the enemies first, that's even more waiting you have to deal with.

However, while this fight is fundamentally incredibly annoying, there are a few elements that I do genuinely really like about it. The design and theme are legitimately menacing, I like how it makes you use the different visors, and actually managing to lay on the hurt with Hypermode can be incredibly satisfying. This really should've been a satisfying victory lap phase like getting the Hyper Beam in Super Metroid was, but the decision to drag it out as its own individual boss fight was definitely to the final boss's detriment.

9. Plated Beetle

Plated Beetle is yet another one of those really easy early-game midbosses, but I found it a lot more fun than the Hive Mecha and Incinerator Drone. I think it helps that the Plated Beetle is an actual living creature, so it feels like it has more personality to it. It also helps that this fight is entirely movement-based, requiring you to dodge at the right time and hit its backside. It's nothing ground-breaking, but a fun change of pace.

8. Sheegoth

This might be the scariest boss in the game for me, and the remaster just made him worse. Those tears in the skin, the unhinged jaw, it gives me the shivers. As far as the actual fight goes, it's alright. Sheegoth is the first boss to use your projectiles against you, so you have to fight thoughtfully and try to suss out the right time to use missiles. His attacks are pretty projectile-based and are fun to dodge, and the length is pretty much perfect for a miniboss. Sheegoth doesn't stand out as anything amazing, but it's a solid fight regardless.

7. Omega Pirate

Similarly to the Cloaked Drone, the Omega Pirate can range from pretty tough to mindlessly easy if you know what you're doing. In this fight, you have to destroy the Omega Pirate's plating and then pelt him with Super Missiles whenever he retreats to a Phazon pool. He has a variety of attacks like bashing you into the ground and calling up enemies. However, you don't actually have to deal with most of these attacks, since the Omega Pirate can be cheesed pretty easily.

The armor plating can be destroyed in one go with a Power Bomb, which pretty much eliminates an entire phase from the boss. If you're fast enough, you only need two Power Bombs in this fight so you don't have to worry about resource management much. When the Omega Pirate is in the Phazon pool, the Super Missiles can take out large chunks of his health and even cancel his attempts at charging his armor plating, making his vulnerable phase last even longer. There are still the Pirates you have to deal with, but their shots don't deal much damage and are easy to avoid, and they can be destroyed instantly by the Omega Pirate's shockwave. It's still a solid fight, don't get me wrong, but when you know what you're doing, the Omega Pirate goes down way too fast for one of the last fights in the game.

6. Parasite Queen

Okay, here me out. I know that the Parasite Queen is hands down the easiest fight in the game. She has a single attack, and all you really need to do is keep pelting her with Missiles and Power Shots until she goes down. I do quite like the moving barrier and how you can get shots in even when the barrier is spinning around super quickly, but yeah, otherwise, this is a very easy fight. However, this is one of those cases where the presentation really makes up for otherwise pretty basic gameplay. The Parasite Queen's design is fantastic, her theme is super intense and memorable, and the fight itself plays a big part in making that opening sequence so empowering. Keep in mind, this is before Samus loses her abilities, being able to completely trash a Mother Brain-lookalike before Meta Ridley shows up just illustrates how powerful Samus is and makes the loss of her abilities sting all the more.

5. Elite Pirate/Phazon Elite

Look, I know I'm technically putting the less powerful versions of the Omega Pirate above it, but here's the thing. These guys can't be completely and utterly cheesed by the Power Bomb. As a matter of fact, you don't even have the opportunity to try because the first Elite Pirate fight is before you even get the Power Bomb. As a result, you actually have to engage with fighting these minibosses, dodge their attacks, and be cautious around their energy siphoning unit. Once you get the hang of it, these guys aren't too tough either, but they're still far more involved than the Omega Pirate. It also helps that for minibosses, these guys are intimidating. The Elite Pirates tower over you, and the way they walk towards you with their hand stretched out to stop any energy you might throw at them gives off an air of superiority befitting the Elite title.

4. Thardus

Thardus definitely has one of my favorite designs out of all the bosses in this game. You wouldn't think Retro Studios would be able to make a bunch of rocks look menacing or even recognizable, but they really did it. Thardus does a pretty good job at forcing you to quickly swap between the normal and Thermal visors in a way that feels natural, and many of his attacks are pretty fun to avoid, particularly the boulder one. I especially like how you can still try to shoot his weak point while he's rolling around with good aim. However, the Thardus fight can feel a bit damage-spongy. He has a lot of weakpoints to hit, and the second phase where he introduces a blizzard doesn't do enough to change up the fight since you can still see the important stuff through it just fine.

3. Flaahgra

If this was the original Gamecube release I was talking about, Flaahgra would probably be a bit lower. While he's always been a fun puzzle boss where you have to angle lights to prevent it from photosynthesizing, the lights were always a bit too high up to lock-on too forcing you to constantly stop in place and angle your cannon up whenever you wanted to change a light's position, which not only interrupted the game flow but gave you a much shorter window before Flaahgra starts changing the lights back.

In the remastered version, however, you don't need to lock on to the lights because you can aim freely! This means that you can shoot up lights while on the move and dodging Flaahgra's attacks, which makes for a far more kinetic fight with a stronger sense of flow to it. It also helps that Flaahgra's design is suitably intimidating, the theme is absolutely stellar (and it doesn't just loop the first 30 seconds like in the original), and the fight is the perfect length. Just four short phases, each increasing the amount of lights you need to hit by one. For the first true area boss of the game, Flaahgra made one hell of an impression. 

2. Metroid Prime

It's a shame that his second phase is such a disappointment because Metroid Prime's first fight is absolutely stellar. He's big, intimidating, his boss theme slaps, he has loads of attacks and phases, and he tests you on swapping beams in an incredibly clever way. Metroid Prime has four forms, each vulnerable to a specific beam and boasting its own unique set of attacks. Hitting Metroid Prime enough will cause it to charge across the room, requiring the Morph Ball to duck under him, and change his form. Learning how to effectively use each beam and which Metroid Prime form does which attacks is immensely satisfying.

And the progression of the fight is so good too. Every once in a while, Metroid Prime falls into a new room which leaves you with less room to dodge, while also adding another form for you to contend with. And in the final phase, he starts to change forms at will, which leads to some incredibly fun mind-games and fakeouts to cap off the fight. Metroid Prime's first phase really is a perfect final boss. It heightens the difficulty and complexity at a perfect rate and doesn't go on too long, and it tests you on all the skills you've learned throughout the game in a satisfying manner. I reiterate that if Metroid Prime didn't even have a proper second phase, I would've been perfectly happy because this first phase felt climactic and rewarding enough on its own. 

1. Meta Ridley

You all knew this was coming, the Meta Ridley fight isn't just the best fight in Metroid Prime. It might be the best fight in the entire Metroid series. Meta Ridley is an especially fascinating antagonist in this game because he's really just an agent of chaos and nothing more. He only shows up to ruin your day, so by the time he destroys the Artifact Temple immediatelt after you found all the artifacts, you really start to hate the guy. The atmosphere of the fight really helps sell the drama of Samus and Ridley's rivalry here too. It's foggy and rainy, the music is mechanical and intense, and Meta Ridley is using every single trick in his arsenal from laser beams to bombing runs to claw and tail swipes.

But what really pushes the Meta Ridley fight to first for me is the unique way the fight is paced. Meta Ridley's first phase is deceptively easy, and takes up around 80% of his health bar. His attacks are fairly slow, and hitting him often deals a lot of damage. But then Ridley's wings burn off, and he goes absolutely savage. He's faster, his attacks hit harder, and you need to get him to expose his belly to actually land a hit. Manage to find an opening and tear into his chest is always super satisfying, but it's a lot tougher in this phase. And then, with only 10% of his health remaining, Ridley gets even faster. None of his attacks change, he just gives you far less breathing room with them, and that alone makes this final stretch of the fight way harder and more anxiety-inducing. But managing to land the final hit and watching the Chozos knock him off the temple just makes that struggle all the more worth it. It's a cathartic finisher to one of the most raw, brutal, and angry fights in the series (at least before Raven Beak showed up).