Mario Kart 64 Track Reviews

For a while now, I felt pretty comfortable touting Mario Kart 64 as my least favorite game in the series, primarily for its overly large track designs, blatantly rubberband-y AI, and a few other minor gripes. However, while it's certainly not as consistent of an experience as its predecessor, Mario Kart 64 really grew on me during my last playthrough of it. The controls are not only far superior to Super's controls but they also have a lot of interesting nuances, the pacing is some of the most frenetic in the series, and its best tracks far greater heights, so let's go through all of Mario Kart 64's tracks and review them.

Mushroom Cup

Luigi Raceway
Mario Kart 64 gets off to a bit of a slow start with its Mushroom Cup, which is mostly comprised of fairly basic loops. Luigi Raceway does have a cool Nascar-themed aesthetic, that iconic tunnel, and a balloon with a guaranteed Star hanging from it, but beyond all that set-dressing, it's a bent oval with two very wide turns and an abundance of dull straightaways. Mario Kart 64's tracks as a whole can often have a lot of downtime, but Luigi Raceway is one of the worst offenders here.
2/5 Stars

Moo Moo Farm
Moo Moo Farm is a track that actually grew on me a lot. I used to always pass it off for its incredibly short length and basic layout, but it's that short length and the bumpy terrain that make it a much more chaotic and frenetic track than Luigi Raceway. The standout is easily the Monty Moles though which are mostly placed in the near corner, which leads to a solid risk/reward system. This was also a thing in Donut Plains, but the Monty Moles didn't pop out of their holes nearly as much in that game as they do in 64, so hugging the corner in Moo Moo Farm actually feels genuinely risky and skill-based.
3/5 Stars

Koopa Troopa Beach
Koopa Troopa Beach is honestly way better of a track than it has any right to be. It might even be a perfect track. It takes the Koopa Beach setting from Super and really elevates it in a ton of dynamic ways, from the abundance of Koopa-themed rock structures to drive around, to a solid amount of ramps and shortcuts, to the fact that the water level can raise and lower keeping things varied. The atmosphere is pleasant as well especially with that stellar music, and the whole track just has a fantastic sense of flow to it.
5/5 Stars

Kalimari Desert
Kalimari Desert is a track that is conceptually and in fleeting moments very fun. Whenever the train shows up and you're about to cross the railway, you know things are about to get very chaotic. Whether you try to make it through before the train arrives or are frantically trying to brake before you get hit, it's a fun time... but it just doesn't happen often enough. I've gone through so many laps of this track where the train just doesn't appear, and it also doesn't help that the entire second half of the course has zero intersections with the train track which leaves it feeling really dry. I do like how wide open Kalimari Desert, I've always appreciated how explorative 64's tracks are, but it really needed more than just that train because as it is now, it's 90% boring and only 10% exciting.
2/5 Stars

Flower Cup

Toad's Turnpike
Toad's Turnpike is the first traffic stage in the series, and it might still be one of the best. The MK64 incarnation of Toad's Turnpike is brutal, it's absolutely packed with cars and you get seriously punished for hitting them. Compared to Mario Kart 8's version which is not only more open but adds more ways to get around the cars, I vastly preferred the more aggressive traffic in this version, especially in its infamous Mirror Mode incarnation. I also adore the sunset, vaporwave-y aesthetic of this original track that, once again, Mario Kart 8 completely ruined. So yeah, I really like this version of Toad's Turnpike, it's got a nice balance between sadistic difficulty and chill vibes making up for its fairly basic layout.
4/5 Stars

Frappe Snowland
Frappe Snowland is noteworthy for being the first truly twisty track in 64. After four fairly basic loops and a figure-eight, Frappe Snowland actually has a more dynamic layout that flows really nicely with its abundance of wavy roads. It's got a pretty cozy atmosphere with some nice visual flourishes too like the bridge, that giant snowman, and the snow tunnel at the end to keep things varied. The most polarizing aspect of the track are those exploding snowmen that can really set you back if you drive into them, which is especially problematic in that one place where they're just spammed across the track, but weaving around them does feel very satisfying once you've gotten used to the controls.
4/5 Stars

Choco Mountain
Choco Mountain is yet another really solid track in this very consistent cup. The chocolate visuals instantly help this track stand out, and it continues amping up the pressure with its turns compared to Frappe with its more cramped layout. The first third of Choco Mountain is quite strong too with its overlapping road and abundance of bumps, and the final third is easily the standout as it has you dodging boulders and trying not to fall off the cliff (I love how you get a guardrail in 50cc but not in the higher difficulties, very unique for this series). However, the midsection of the track is a bit dull as its mostly composed of a fairly light straightaway with little to keep things interesting, which ultimately prevents this otherwise great track from being a top-tier contender for me. It says a lot that the Tour/8DX version replaced that straightaway with a glide ramp.
4/5 Stars

Mario Raceway
Ending this cup off with yet another really strong track, Mario Raceway is easily one of the shortest and tightest tracks in the game, rarely ever giving you any downtime. There's an abundance of near-180 degree turns here, but there's also a lot of off-road allowing for cool shortcuts. If I had any gripes, it's that you can't drive up the side of the pipe at the end like in Wii, but that's a tiny nitpick at best. Most of Mario Raceway, while not the most remarkable, feels incredibly smooth to play on and is almost completely lacking in long straightaways.
4/5 Stars

Star Cup

Wario Stadium
Wario Stadium is a track that I consistently see at the bottom of people's track ranking and yeah, I kinda get it. The visuals are very rough (especially that Wario face) and it very much overstays its welcome. If Nintendo cut out that one long stretch where you're driving around the outside of the track, that alone could really clean up the pacing. But that aside, I don't know, I kinda like Wario Stadium. It's a nice skill check to make sure you know all the turns, starting really wide before getting smaller and smaller culminating in a genuinely tight final hairpin. There's also a whole bunch of bumps to convey that BMX feel (which I imagine would be very fun with a proper trick system), and the fact that missing the jump that send you back like a quarter of the track is honestly very funny.
3/5 Stars

Sherbet Land
Sherbet Land is basically Mario Kart 64's Vanilla Lake, having you drive around a giant lake formed out of cracked ice. And like with Vanilla Lake, this track is insanely hard, maybe even the hardest in the game for me. It's deceptively easy to slip off the ice, and the various cramped paths with penguins that can knock you out of the way are tough to manage. That being said, most of this track still feels pretty fair. A skilled player can easily hop over the cracks in the ice just like in Vanilla Lake, and the penguins' movement patterns are well telegraphed so that if you run into them, it generally feels like your own fault. At its worst, Sherbet Land can feel like a real frustration, but at its best, it's a solid challenge.
3/5 Stars

Royal Raceway
Royal Raceway is easily one of the tightest tracks in the game in terms of how much road you have, and like with Wario Stadium, the turns get tighter and tighter culminating in a really hard final stretch that has you carefully driving down a hill. Just like with Mario Raceway, there's a lot of potential for shortcuts, but there's now also a big pond in the middle of the track that can really set you back if you fall in which gives the course a solid amount of difficulty. I have no real complaints here, Royal Raceway is a legitimately fun challenge that further prepares you for the final track of the cup. And yeah, the Peach Castle easter egg is just the icing on the cake.
5/5 Stars

Bowser Castle
Mario Kart 64's Bowser Castle is easily the best track in Mario Kart 64, and it's still one of my favorite Bowser Castles in general. It's the only track in this game to be almost entirely comprised of 90 degree turns, but the detailed and varied environment and variety of memorable setpieces prevents the track from feeling stale. The moving Thwomps are a genuinely tense threat in the first half, and the spiral ramp followed by two tricky jumps make for a memorable finale. I also love the haunting atmosphere of this track, it's the most intimidating a Bowser Castle has ever felt in a Mario Kart game.
5/5 Stars

Special Cup

DK's Jungle Parkway
For the first three cups, Mario Kart 64 has had a pretty smooth difficulty curve with each track progressively increasing in complexity and quality. However, probably my biggest gripe with Mario Kart 64 is just how hard the Special Cup drops the ball, so prepare for a lot of gripes.

DK's Jungle Parkway isn't a bad course on the surface, and it has a few neat moments and ideas. The fact that you can get pelted by fruit for going offroad is a fun twist, and I love that big shortcut in the cave at the end which can really determine a race if someone gets a mushroom. However, the aesthetic is weak, with muddy visuals and dull music depriving this track of much energy. But most of all, the turns in DK's Jungle Parkway are really wide. Coming off the heels of the very difficult Star Cup, this track isn't hard at all, it just doesn't feel like a Special Cup track in any way.
3/5 Stars

Yoshi Valley
Yoshi Valley, on the other hand, stands up right alongside Sherbet Land as one of the hardest tracks in the game... but not for good reasons. Yoshi Valley is incredibly tight and lacking in guard rails, with the final stretch in particular being a pretty fun challenge. However, falling off the cliff will cause your character to slowly tumble to the bottom, and only then will you be picked up by Lakitu. Falling off is just too punishing in this track, it takes way too long and will almost always force you back into last place. And of course, then there's also the nonlinear layout. This is a cool concept in theory but the execution here is rough. Yoshi Valley only has a single objectively good route that's worth taking which pretty much mitigates any of that potential freedom, and not being able to see who's in first doesn't make the game more tense or difficult, it's just kinda annoying. I just don't think the N64 was able to handle Yoshi Valley, as is made clear by the Mario Kart 8 version fixing pretty much all its issues.
2/5 Stars

Banshee Boardwalk
Banshee Boardwalk is a bit of a slow burn of a track, with a fairly dull first half comprised of straightaways and the occassional sharp turn. Thankfully, as the track goes on, the turns get a lot sharper and the amount of guardrails decrease which makes the second half feel genuinely pretty tense. I also love the haunted house setpiece for its more open layout and the sheer amount of bats this game tosses at you. The bats in later Mario Kart games are barely a threat, but Mario Kart 64 launches so many at you that they can genuinely send you off course if you're not careful. I still don't think this track is as hard as it should be, but it still stands out as my favorite in the Special Cup (not that it's a high bar).
3/5 Stars

Rainbow Road
Ah, N64 Rainbow Road, my beloathed. So, obviously, this track is stellar from an aesthetic standpoint. The music is absolutely lovely, the contrast between the vibrant rainbow and the pitch-black expanse of space is striking, and all the constellations of the cast really give off the feeling of a victory lap. Sadly, the track itself is an absolute slog. Rainbow Road is supposed to be the final challenge, but this incarnation has insanely wide turns, zero gaps, a ton of straightaways, and a crushing length of 6+ minutes. This track utterly drags and since there's no real way for anyone to catch up, it also means it's the absolute mother of all frontrunning tracks. The one saving grace are the Chain Chomps which granted do cause a bit of panic whenever I see them in the distance, but they go by so fast and don't show up often enough to save what's otherwise the dullest track in the series.
1/5 Stars

Final Rankings

Now that we have all the tracks reviewed, here's my final tier list, with the battle stages for good measure:

 Overall, Mario Kart 64 is honestly a better game than I previously gave it credit for. Mechanically, it's leaps and bounds above its predecessor between the more nuanced controls and the introduction of a proper item system, it still has some of the best multiplayer in the series, and the otherworldly N64 era aesthetics still stand out to this day, but it also has quite a lot of solid tracks especially in the midgame. It may not have as smooth of a difficulty curve as Super, with a slow start and a frankly bad final cup, but at its best, Mario Kart 64 is the series at its most frenetic and cutthroat which is really what you want from a Mario Kart game.